You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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