About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
