I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
