Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You dont lie about slip and slides
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
