Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
