$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
