do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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