please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
