but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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