Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
