We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
