Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
