I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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