you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
