Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
birth control should be required to get into college
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
