she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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