So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
