I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
