On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
