i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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