No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
