TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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