omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
her vagine was all disorganized.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
