He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We are all done wearing pants today
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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