Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
