He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
