i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize