One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
how drunk are you?
Several
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
