you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
