You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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