but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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