i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
