I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
