hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
