my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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