carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
