I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
