That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
