we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
