Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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