We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
