OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i dont even know how to be here
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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