Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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