that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think i have herpe
just one?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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