I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
