I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
