Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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