Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
