Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
