Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
