I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
