you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
