This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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