I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
