Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
