I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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