I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
