I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
