Porn is love you can see.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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