was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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