Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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