Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize