You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
