We won't sleep together?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Randomize
