Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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