it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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