i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
