you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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